It was fun and people loved it, but oh my gosh it was exhausting and stressful.
Corralling children on ice, teaching them routines, hoping they remember it, coaching practices, picking music and racing around the rink like a madwoman was nerve wracking and then my coaching pal suckered me into performing in the coaches number. We skated to Gilligan's Island and I was the skipper.
You guys. I had no idea how nervous that would make me.
During one practice my legs were shaking. That's kind of a problem in skating since pretty much everything depends on your ability to stand up and balance.
In another I tripped on a basic mood and during the show I chickened out on my jump.
I was a ball of nerves. And it made me furious.
I skate the lefty way and the other coaches skate the righty way, so I was already up against a challenge to skate my bad way, but the thought of people watching me skate in that one minute number was practically debilitating.
I was terrified.
That I would fall. That I would screw up. That I would hurt myself. That I would disappoint.
I haven't skated in front of a crowd in 10, maybe 15 years and I honestly didn't expect to be so worried about it.
Most of the parents watch us coaches and say, you're great! Most people can't, don't or won't try skating, let alone jumping, spinning, or footwork.
What my kids might think was bugging me more. I teach them to skate and they seem to think all their coaches can do triple axels. Seriously, if I could do a triple axel, I would have been an Olympian.
But what I realized at the end of the madness on Sunday was that my kids just think I'm their coach and they're excited to learn and try new moves, and they think I'm cool even if I can't do triples.
Even better, now that the initial fear of skating in front of a crowd has been handled, maybe next time I'll do better. Heck, maybe I'll even do some of the adult skating competitions just to get back in the habit of skating in front of people and not letting it get to me so much.
This morning I stayed on the ice after everyone had left. I love the quiet time to myself on the ice.
I had some of my favorite music playing and it energized me to attempt and land some jumps I'd been chickening out on all season.
And I did it!
Then I kept doing it to keep knocking out that fear that had crept back into my mind. Fear of falling, hurting myself, not being able to do it.
I can do it. I know I can do it. It's all a matter of looking that fear in the eye and saying "Watch me."
How do you handle/conquer fears?