It may seem small, but it was a huge personal achievement and the start of so much more.
Remember a week or so ago when I was going round and round the ice, chickening out every time I tried my favorite jump, the flip jump?
Well, after the monster of blisters mostly healed up, and I figured out to put my skates under the heating vents on my way to the rink to make it easier to lace them up at 6:30 a.m., I spent the hour working on spins, footwork and choreographing a holiday program for a group of 10-year-olds.
Avery was making her way to the door, I announced that I was going to try my jump.
I circled around, picked up some speed, went through the move, slammed on my toe pick and then just did what I always do, hoping up in the air and and landing without making a rotation.
That test run out of my system, I chicken out once, then circled around once more time.
Picking up some speed, make the three turn, reached back with my left foot, dug in the toe pick and hurled myself into the air, rotated once, and landed again on my left foot.
I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT
Avery cheered and I threw my arms in the air in self congratulatory fist elation.
In the seconds between the picking up speed, the three turn and launching myself into the air from my toe pick, I had a panicked "I'm going to crash and break bones and stab myself with my toe pick."
Here's the thing about skating. It's probably similar to other sports, I've had similar moments in tennis, but you have to commit to a move or bail out. If you hesitate, you're likely doomed to crash.
After that panicked split second, I almost bailed. But something in me refused to chicken out. I'm stubborn like that.
So that first flip jump, after years and years off the ice, was a bit shaky. So I did it again.
And it was solid.
Just a single jump. Pretty basic really in skating, but after all that time off, all that self doubt and fear, I did it.
There's nothing like those early major hurdles to embolden you and make you want to do it over and over and try new things and forget the fear.
Seriously, I've broken a bone or two on ice, I have zero interest in doing that again.
But there's something incredibly fulfilling, incredibly satisfying in saying "I will do this," and then doing it.
My skates are still a little shaky on my feet sometimes, that absolute confidence I had as a teenager hasn't returned just yet and I can't dodge unruly teenage skaters quite the way I could before, but yesterday morning, a little piece of that figure skater still inside me fell into place. And a little piece of my very core came alive the moment I landed that jump and threw my arms in the air. My mind knows I can do these things and yesterday morning my body proved that it can still do the things my mind imagines.