The name was one I recognized, as a rather unpleasant person, so I was surprised and thought maybe I'd been completely wrong about the person.
When I told a co-worker about the nice gesture, he said "surely it couldn't have been her."
Turns out there's a bunch of people with the same name, that I had considered sort of uncommon, but apparently not.
It was decided that this particular person was not the person who had done the nice thing.
I walked away from that conversation thinking, I hope I don't ever become a person that someone would ever say "surely it wasn't Jenn who did this nice thing."
There are plenty of people don't like me. Part of that comes with being a reporter, part of that is probably just my personality. I'm a red-headed Leo with an almost unshakable belief that I can do it all (even though I know deep down that I can't), more than my fair share of stubbornness and refuse to give up. All of that make me good at some things and a giant pain for other things, like when M tried to show me how to chop vegetables.
A big part of me really doesn't care what people think of me, but I truly hope the first thing that comes to mind about me is never that I couldn't have done some nice thing.
There have been plenty of times in the last year that I've been stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted and so frustrated that I get cranky, snappy and not my cheery self. Finding that balance between managing those frustrations, trying to improve the things that are causing them and not turn into a bundle of hostility can be challenging.
But last week gave me that little insight into life that I needed to keep in mind even when I'm stressed. That reminder tells me that no matter how run down, beat up and crushed I'm feeling on the inside, it will pass. How I treat other people will always be remembered. Friends, co-workers, those around us who know us will often give a pass for our crankiness for a bad day.
In high school, I would pick a happy adjective and say that every time someone asked how I was. Or I would just say that I was great, even when I wasn't. It was a mental trick that always worked to boost my mood. I'm not very good at hiding my displeasure with people who frustrate me, but sometimes I frustrate myself with how much those things get to me.
It's one of those things that requires constant effort, but the thought of someone saying "surely it wasn't Jenn" who did some nice thing was enough to stir my mental pot and recommit to my outward actions. I won't call it a new goal, I'll call it a return to an old one, a concept inspired by Alicia last week.
What do you want to be known for? How do you balance your internal stresses/emotions with your outward actions?